You Know It's Been Awhile ....

You know it's been awhile when you forget the password to your own blog. Sheesh, where has the summer gone? What started out as a rainy, depressing season turned out (for me, anyway) to be a pleasant detour full of great times and lots of friends.

I don't know what is prompting me to write today....I went to sleep around my usual weekend hour, after watching a somewhat suspenseful movie with the kids. And like normal I usually can't sleep past 6. Normally, I hear little sounds prompting me to "Wake up." and as I raise my head I look to my bedroom door and see a silhouette of a dog with his tail wagging and two ears at attention. But today it was different, I could hear my lazy dog sleeping on the ground next to me, and I just laid there and began to think. Think about all that has happened to us.

I know what prompted me to go there. I talked to a woman in my new organization at the base who is going into surgery and will later face chemotherapy for the third time in her quest to kick ovarian cancer. We talked for sometime on her story and mine. She asked how I could talk to her so matter of factly about it all. I didn't have an answer...I only suspect that God has given me the ability to talk about my experience to others and maybe give them a little solace in that they are not alone. I could see in her eyes, that she needed to talk about it. She even said that its was nice that she could talk about with someone who has gone through it. Have I shed a few tears after the conversation? Uh, ya. The FEAR will never go away, the feeling of hopelessness will always be there, the damage of what worry, stress and anguish caused is merely covered by what seems like a band-aid. It can be covered up but it's always under there, and sometimes you have to peek at to see how it's healing.

So, what have we been doing this fine summer....let's see. My job has been going great, I have enjoyed learning what the other side of the base is like, it's a whole new world. My newly acquired friends are a great bunch, at their urging I started riding a bike and twice a week we tackle an 11 mile ride around the perimeter of the base. I didn't think I could do it, but I did and it's getting easier...and I love it. DJ got a job on base as a summer-hire. He says its the easiest job he has ever had and that paid the most. Ah...he's learning. After three seasons working at a local agricultural farm in 90 degree heat for minimum wage, he can see that there might be other jobs better suited for him.

With DJ's first check, he bought another car! Not with my permission, mind you. Ya, got a little upset with that one, I mean, how many cars does one kid need? But he did it. And then this revalation came to me, "Wow, this kid is growing up." Sometimes, he is not going to NEED my permission to do anything. He might have to actually start having to make his own decisions and consequently his own mistakes. I might have to loosen those strings a little. I, of course, relayed that to DJ but not in not so nice of terms. I think the conversation went, "If you can buy your own car, then that means you can buy yourself everything." With that, you are now old enough to figure out where your gas money is coming from and other monetary kick backs I've been giving you." DJ will be a senior this year, and to be honest I had tears in my eyes writing out the check for registration. I can't believe he has grown up so fast.

Summer has also brought more time that I can spend with the girls. No school means a more lacks schedule, where they can hang out here for a few extra days. In every single way, except one of course, life is how it used to me. Kids in and out, empty glasses of ice water on the counters, flip flops everywhere, bikes in the driveway...well, you get the picture. Summer is a busy time and maybe that's why I've felt so good lately. I have realized that I must stay busy. How convenient is it that the nights are longer AND you have 10 things that you must do every night! Water the flowers, check on the garden, and walk the dog, just to name a few...and of course, I usually end it by sitting on my back patio with a glass of wine.

Since I haven't been on the blog, where have I been? My laptop has a permanent place on my kitchen table (is that tacky?). And every night, throughout the night, I check to see what me "friends" are up to. Yep, I'm a Facebook freak. I keep up to date on what my buddies are doing for the weekend, I get ideas on what I would like to do .... like hiking or shopping. I have caught up with old high school friends and am astounded on how much they have accomplished and the different, different lives they lead from mine.

I have this philosophy about stuff. And it goes along with this blog and people in our lives, as well. This blog was there for me to give you updates on Travis, then it gave me an outlet to write about my feelings, and gave you an idea on what it's like to lose someone so close. And what about the people in our lives??? Look back, if you are older, like me, you can think of old friends and the times you spent with them and the great contribution they made in your life. But where are they now? Isn't it funny, that they are no longer around you? My philosophy is that people come in and out of our lives when you need each other. Rarely, do people (other than family) stay for the duration of your life, or theirs. And I tear up to think that my husband was one of those people that God chose to keep in my life here on earth for only a short time. I always wonder why he wasn't one of those ones who I could have for the duration. Yep, I still wonder, why. I of course really wonder WHY He chose to take a good father away from his kids. That gets me a little fired up, to say the least. But I guess where I am going with this is that I don't know how long I will need this blog...life is continuing to evolve. I have given up on planning for the future - I still can't see a year from now. I don't know where I will be, what I will be doing, who or what I will need to get through it.

So, don't be surprised if one day, this blog is gone. For right now, you can look for me on FB...after that, who knows.