I'm Gonna Go There . . .

Whoa, it's kind of been a long time since I posted. I've been contemplating whether I should write about this subject, but it has come up a few times in the last three weeks, so I guess I'm gonna go there.

A few friends/family members have brought up the subject of the future - mainly dating again. Now, let me just say that I don't think I am ready for that, yet. I still wear my wedding ring & I had Trav's wedding ring sized so I can wear his, as well. For the most part, I still feel like I am married. I have read that one day that will fade -- and I will begin yet another relationship with Travis.

One close friend stated that he doesn't know if there is anyone out there "good enough" for me to date. Another family member said, "they feel sorry for who ever comes after Travis." Let me just say that I have pondered these thoughts, too. I just didn't think everyone else was thinking them, as well. Now, no one is perfect, and contrary to what some might think, either was Travis. But, hey, he was the answer to my prayers and that's really all that counts.

I'm coming up on the sixth month being without him. Month after month I can feel myself healing and it's only normal to look towards what the future may bring. How can I not think if there is a man with broad enough shoulders for all of my baggage? I thought I had baggage before Travis, holy heck, look at my crap, now! I've already thought about what has to happen, the next person will have to be totally alright with the feelings I have in my heart for Travis. I mean, you can't really expect a person who was totally in love with someone and a tragic thing like cancer happen and all those feeling go away. IF that person is not out there -- then I'm OK with what I have. There can be no other way.

I suppose whatever happens, will happen. And it will happen in its own time and that is A-OK with me, I'm not in any hurry.

First Dance

Sometimes I wonder what heaven is like and what Travis is doing. I know he is with us, but I wonder if it's constant or does he pop in and out whenever he has a minute, or two.

A few weeks ago, we had a pretty big event, DJ's first dance. He was asked by his friend, Taylor, to go to Preference on Valentine's Day.



I could only imagine what Trav would have said to DJ as he was getting ready to pick her up. I know he would have said that "he looked sharp." He would have said to me that DJ is growing up, and I probably would have gotten a hug. Ya, so here we begin with the occasions of imagining what he would have said....

After the all the hub-ub was over and I was by myself, I got this feeling like he was right there with me. I could almost carry on a conversation with him about the big night that we had. And for the first time I realized that occasions such as these shouldn't be looked at as times that he is missing, but times where I know he is with us - just like before.