The Second Day of the Rest of My Life

Wow, it's only day 2! Seems longer than that - maybe it's because Trav and I haven't had a two-way conversation since Monday. Yesterday wasn't so bad for me, I usually am very emotional in the morning, but I was OK. Maybe it was all the hugs I had received the day before at the funeral still holding me tight.

Sunday Morning - Missed watched Sunday Morning with Trav - although he would miss about half of it, he liked to sleep. Missed him waving to me in the hallway as I sat on the couch drinking my coffee.

I miss how he would let me read the newspaper first, because I have a specific order on how I read it, if he read it first, it would get me off sequence.

DJ picked up the kids from Jayson and Shannon's - thanks you guys for giving the girls a little distraction.

Off to church - I thought I would sit quietly, but I didn't. Hmmm, maybe I do still have my faith. We lit a candle for Trav and said a prayer for him, and us, too.

Out for an ice cream and over to the cemetery. Sydnee asked Trav if he wanted some. Laughed a little there, and took some flowers home to put in vases, 'cause we don't have enough flowers in the house already! Being sarcastic here. We have tons of food and flowers. Thanks everyone!

Over to Keith and Linda's - weird walking in their house without him, I'm sure it was strange for Keith and Linda, too.

Back home and greeted more friends and family.

Watched a little Sunday Night Football, nope, wasn't the same.

At night, I miss the little things, like Trav checking to make sure the garage door is down and that the doors are locked. We needed to be safe and we were.

Made a list of what I needed to do the next day. Uh-oh, someone has rubbed off on me.

Today, Monday.

Woke up by Ashtin, she has a pain on her side. Not taking any chances on it being appendicitis. Turned out she was fine, asked the doc, "Could it be stress?" If Trav was here we would have given her, some Tylenol, Ibuprofen and cold medicine at the same time, and told her "Down the hatch" and sent her to bed. Then Sydnee wakes up when I am doing Ashtin's hair, "I have a belly ache." We smile. Me, too, sweets.

Not going to work, don't know when I will go back. Miss that morning phone call asking, "What we got going on today after work, babe?" He didn't want to talk about work, he was waiting for 3:30 to get home.

Started making the dreaded phone calls. Where do I start? Called the auto and home insurance and personnel. I was fine until I talked to the mortgage company, that's when it hit me. My husband passed away. The thing most important to Trav was his home and maybe that's why I couldn't talk, I just sat there and sobbed, the nice lady told me it was going to be OK. I hope so. I asked her, "Do I need to take him off the title?" She said, "No, you don't do anything you don't want to do." OK, then his name will stay, it was our home.

Went through all the lovely sympathy cards, I will save them for when I need some encouragement. Also, the generosity of people is overwhelming! Had to make a deposit at the credit union. Thanks everyone.

Paid some bills, medical bills are trickling in. Want to put them off, but there is Travis' voice in my head that says "Just pay 'em."

Visited the cemetery, another one-way conversation. This one with a little more emotion. I told him that I am scared, that I feel a storm brewing and he was the one I would go to, but he is not here. He would always ask me, "What can I do? How can I fix it, to make you stop crying, I need you to smile - no crying."

I need you, so come back.