Wish

I guess my life has been pretty uneventful, hence no new postings in a few weeks. That is probably a good thing, after the year I've had. When Trav was in the hospital, he and I used to talk and text and WISH for our old life back. No drama. Then cancer happened and that's all we could think about -- our lives ended up being wrapped up in the ugly disease.

Over three months has past now, can I say that it's getting easier without him? Hmmm, in a way. I don't expect him to walk through the door anymore - and that makes me sad. Because the thought of getting used to him being gone somehow makes me feel like I'm letting him go. And I don't want to.

The holidays have been a little challenging. I'm finally getting used to hearing Christmas carols without wanting to plug my ears. And we did decorate the Christmas tree and DJ hung the outside Christmas lights (he would have been proud). But I can tell you that I cannot wait until this year is over. Looking back, I feel like this year was six months longer than any other year. Getting through it was like hiking uphill in waist high snow. I wish we could have made it to the top of the hill and been able savor the view. But that's not what happened. He didn't make it and I'm left to climb another mountain.

I'm still not able to look much into the future yet. I'm still coasting. And it feels like the right thing for me to do. I figure when this year all sinks in, then I will be ready to take on some new challenges, make some goals, and move on. But it hasn't sunk in yet, not all the way.

In case you don't hear from me in a few more weeks, I'd like to WISH everyone a very Merry Christmas. Back in June I interviewed Travis and asked him about the roller coaster of life and he said, "Life is exactly that, up's and down's, so enjoy with all your soul the up's." So, if you are reading this and your life is pretty good, I hope your enjoying them with all your heart and soul. For a gift to your loved ones write them a letter and tell them what they mean to you. Last Christmas that is what Travis gave me, I thank God everyday that he wrote it. And hey, with the economy, it won't cost you a dime.

To those out there who are in waist deep snow - I WISH you peace.